MARCH 2021: “I just really feel like I’m coming into my power right now, ya know,” I say to my housemate whilst I’m waiting for the kettle to boil, despite the fact that I’ve spent the last couple of months listening to Hard Feelings/Loveless by Lorde on repeat, trying to get over being dumped via text. Whilst most of my friends are either happily in long-term relationships or permanently employed in actual proper adult jobs (sometimes both!!), I kinda feel like I’m flailing through life, reaching for a goal that seems a little impossible at times.
Not only does turning 24 mean that my young persons railcard has nearly expired, but I can’t help but feel that I’ve disappointed my 15 year old self. In her head, there are 3 things that I thought I’d have by my mid-twenties:
- A real, adult publishing job that I do remotely, preferably from an over-priced rose gold laptop that I definitely cannot afford.
- A multitude of ridiculous and hilarious relationship stories that I can wisely share with my non-existent little sister.
- Most importantly, I thought I’d be writing this from my van conversion from some obscure place in Europe.
I have none of these things, but I wasn’t lying to my housemate when I said I felt like I’m coming into my power (dramatic, I’m aware). I think for those of us who entered this pandemic in their early twenties, but are leaving it in their mid twenties, it’s difficult not to feel like we’ve missed out on a crucial part of our ‘prime.’ But there are a few important lessons I’ve learnt along the way, despite being stuck in my house for the most part (along with some related books, just to keep it on brand!):
The Value of Female Friendship
Whether you’re surrounded by a group of acquaintance-friends, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re a lone-wolf type figure or you just have one solid bestie, the importance of a group of gal pals cannot be understated. Coming home after a long day at work to find your friends in the living room, homemade lasagne and boxed wine in hand is something that I’ve never had before, and it’s made such a dramatically positive difference to my mental health.
What happened to the women we were supposed to become?
Hannah, Cate and Lissa are young, vibrant and inseparable. Living on the edge of a common in East London, their shared world is ablaze with art and activism, romance and revelry – and the promise of everything to come. They are electric. They are the best of friends.
Ten years on, they are not where they hoped to be. Amidst flailing careers and faltering marriages, each hungers for what the others have. And each wrestles with the same question: what does it take to lead a meaningful life?
The Job Hunt Will Not Last Forever
If you’re reading this, you probably love books. And if you love books, you’ve probably at least attempted to get into publishing. I’ve been applying for publishing jobs since I was 18, and in that time, I’ve had 1 internship and 4 interviews. It is a gruelling process that feels never-ending at times. But, I know from the experiences of those around me that the job hunt will not last forever, and as long as you keep focused on your goal without letting it consume all of your time, you’ll get there.
Jenny McLaine is an adult. Supposedly. At thirty-five she owns her own house, writes for a cool magazine and has hilarious friends just a message away. But the thing is:
• She can’t actually afford her house since her criminally sexy ex-boyfriend Art left,
• Her best friend Kelly is clearly trying to break up with her,
• She’s so frazzled trying to keep up with everything you can practically hear her nerves jangling
• She spends all day online-stalking women with beautiful lives as her career goes down the drain.
And now her mother has appeared on her doorstep, unbidden, to save the day…
Is Jenny ready to grow up and save herself this time?
It’s Okay to Still be Single!!
From your extended family members asking you if you’re in a relationship yet, to the strangers that ask ‘Why are you single?’ (hint: never ask this, what sort of answer do you expect me to give lol), it’s hard not to feel like a failure when you haven’t at least found someone by 24. But I’m here to tell you that it’s absolutely okay to still be single because you have so much else going for you. You’re a whole human being, with experiences and knowledge that are worth having as an individual. A relationship is just a nice extra!
Related Book Recommendation:
The Panic Years: Dates, Doubts, and the Mother of All Decisions by Nell Frizell
The Panic Years: something between adolescence and menopause, a personal crisis, a transformation.
The panic years can hit at any time but they are most commonly triggered somewhere between the ages of twenty-five and forty. During this time, every decision a woman makes – from postcode to partner, friends to family, work to weekends – will be impacted by the urgency of the one decision with a deadline, the one decision that is impossible to take back: whether or not to have a baby.
But how to stay sane in such a maddening time? How to understand who you are and what you might want from life?
How to know if you’re making the right decisions?
You Can Still Be Working Through The Issues You Were Struggling With When You Were a Teenager
Whilst I’m not still drawing on the heavy black eyeliner pretending to be Effy Stonem, a lot of the time it can be hard to realise that you’re still struggling with the same issues that you were when you were 15. And whilst it’s difficult at times to feel like you’ve made progress, just know that you have. Even in the little ways that you might not have noticed.
‘This pertinent, timely, intelligent, and incredibly compelling exploration of the relationship we have with our own bodies opens in Bali. Natalie, its protagonist, is uncomfortable in her own skin. Her most recent relationship is long since over and she’s become disillusioned with her career as a teacher—adopting a tried-and-tested attempt at self-discovery, she packs her bags to go traveling. Natalie travels to Bali, New Zealand, Australia, Dublin, rural Ireland, and the Netherlands to try and find her place, but her isolation abroad only heightens her sense of unease.
Her journey is psychological as well as physical—she is obsessed with her shape, believing herself to be awkward and over-large, recoiling from relationships with men and eating compulsively as a self-destructive reaction to her issues with her weight. As the narrative unfolds, we gradually become aware of a crucial development in Natalie beginning to take place. This novel engages powerfully with issues that are important to women, and also to people in general, via an incredibly beguiling protagonist—she is intelligent and self-aware, sharp and acute, and able to see the comic side of her predicament. An intensely enjoyable and thought-provoking read.’
So whilst I might not have a Taylor Swift or Blink-182 song to sing-along to anymore, turning 24 hasn’t been all that bad. And if I turn 25 and I still don’t have any of the things on the list created by my 15 year old self, I think, I’ll be okay.
Love this! I just turned twenty three and I always remember thinking I’d be married by twenty three when I was a kid and here I am having never been in a long term relationship! We always project our dream lives onto ourselves when we’re younger not knowing that the life ahead of us is different but better than anything we could plan!
It’s so reassuring to hear that it’s not just me! I think expectations of where you should be by your early twenties have shifted so much with our generation in comparison to our parents and grandparents that it’s difficult not to feel like you’re behind, but we’re all going at our own pace and that’s okay! Thanks for your comment 🙂 x
I love this post! As a 24 year old turning 25 in several months *shudder*, I have thought a lot about the things I had planned compared to how things have turned out. My friend and I have talked so much about how behind we feel but that it’s something so many people our age are also feeling. I never thought of it as entering the pandemic in my early 20s and leaving it in my mid 20s…but that perfectly captures the anxiety of how it has felt. At this point though, I have just decided to relax as much as I can and not put so much pressure on myself. The whole idea of having your life figured out in your 20s is a myth at this point, we are just trying our best with the times we have been given.
Completely agree! I feel like no matter what age you are, you’re constantly going to feel like you’re not where you’re supposed to be, which is annoying 🙁 But I guess it’s better that we’re all feeling lost together haha!
i feel like i’m already going through this crisis and i just turned 20 lol but getting into my twenties is possibly the most terrifying thing i’ve ever done? i am NOT fit to being an adult yet, that’s for sure, and it’s scary AF. your post was actually surprisingly comforting. i can not *wait* for the day the job hunting will end, because i don’t know how long we’ll be able to handle it lol and the lack of results of trying to find job in the middle of a pandemic when most people are actually losing their jobs and no one wants to hire… it’s terrible to say the least lol but PERSEVERING! we can do this! i think of becoming an adult like i think of driving: it couldn’t possibly be that hard, so many people do it! hahah
yes the driving metaphor is such a good one!! honestly the pandemic might make the job hunt seem even more dreary than usual, but i know a lot of people that have gotten jobs during it, so it’s definitely possible! but i’m glad my rambling was comforting lol! thank you for commenting 🙂 x